A lesson in Humility…through humiliation.

It’s November of 1994, I have just recently turned 14 and am only a few weeks into my training in Taekwondo.  I am still a white belt, but learning fast.  I’m quite confident in my skills, albeit new skills.  I had grown up playing sports and was very active and athletic.  I didn’t need martial arts to learn self defense, I was already good at fighting.  I’m just here to prove it, and to enjoy dominating yet another physical activity.  It’s my first day of sparring.  I was excited to spar for the first time!  Then I saw my opponent.  It was a 11 year old girl, and only two ranks higher than me.  Maybe she was 12.  Either way, I didn’t want to beat up a girl, let alone a small girl who was younger than I.  I’ll go easy on her, then hopefully I’ll spar one of the adults and show them how great I am.  A great kick to the head, a sharp punch to the gut and kick that was good enough to be framed and hung on a wall!  If only those techniques came from me…..  I feel the bruises swelling, but don’t want to show it.  Is that blood wanting to exit my nose?  Sniff it back up.  Hope no one saw that.  I must have gone too easy.  I was trying too hard to do proper technique rather than just win.  I could have won if I REALLY wanted to.  I …. I …. I was beat by a 12 year old girl.  She might be 11.  I’m not as good as I thought I was.  She was great.  I want to be that great.  I’m hooked on martial arts.  I want to learn more!

This was a big moment early on in my martial arts journey.  It was when I first learned about humility.  Keep in mind that humility and humiliation are two different words with two different meanings.  Humility is that of being humble while humiliation is that of being embarrassed.  However, that doesn’t mean one can’t lead to the other.  I was humiliated, embarrassed, but it lead to my humility, my humbleness.

While it should be obvious as to why we need to have humility and be humble in the martial arts, and in life, it’s tough to accept.  Accepting that we have humility feels as though we are showing that we aren’t good enough.  We work incredibly hard to be good, why would we suggest that we are not?  Look at most boxers and MMA fighters, do they seem humble?  Overwhelmingly, no.  They tend to display their confidence and arrogance on epic proportions.  So is it necessary to have humility in the Martial arts?  I don’t know.  Look at someone like Muhammad Ali, arguably one of the greatest fighters of all time.  Was he humble?  Maybe outside of the ring and behind closed doors, but never in front of the camera or in the ring.  He was confident and cocky.  He gave us the quote, “When you’re as great as I am, it’s hard to be humble!”  Maybe this confidence drives them to be better, knowing that around every corner there is someone wanting to humble them.  One needs to keep in mind, though, that there is a big difference between sport and traditional martial arts.  A sport is about winning, martial arts is a life style that is meant to improve the quality of one’s life.  With that understanding, while it may be ok for a sport fighter to lack humility, it works against those who train in Martial arts.  A true martial artist knows that we are always working to be better.  We are competing with ourselves only.  Bad, good, great, amazing, they all mean nothing.  We only work to get better.  And the only way to get better is to recognize we aren’t perfect and this is where humility comes in.

Ultimately, it’s not necessarily having or not having humility, it’s a matter of recognizing it.  In a way, we all have it, but many hide it or ignore it.  Unfortunately, this could mean you will never grow, as you will retain you’re ignorance of your humility, and ignorance never creates intelligence.  It’s only when you recognize your shortcomings, letting go of your ego and arrogance that you will truly begin to learn.

The choice is inevitably yours.  You can choose to be humble, or you can be forced into being humbled through humiliation.  They both seem to work quite well.