The Contagiousness of Limits

So this morning he said to me “We’re going to go five.”

I said, “Bruce, I can’t go five. I’m a helluva lot older than you are, and I can’t do five.”

He said, “When we get to three, we’ll shift gears and it’s only two more and you’ll do it.”

I said “Okay, hell, I’ll go for it.”

So we get to three, we go into the fourth mile and I’m okay for three or four minutes, and then I really begin to give out.

I’m tired, my heart’s pounding, I can’t go any more and so I say to him, “Bruce if I run any more,” “” and we’re still running “” “if I run any more I’m liable to have a heart attack and die.” He said, “Then die.” It made me so mad that I went the full five miles.

Afterward I went to the shower and then I wanted to talk to him about it. I said, you know, “Why did you say that?” He said, “Because you might as well be dead. Seriously, if you always put limits on what you can do, physical or anything else, it’ll spread over into the rest of your life. It’ll spread into your work, into your morality, into your entire being. There are no limits. There are plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. If it kills you, it kills you. A man must constantly exceed his level.” – The Art of Expressing the Human Body – John Little

We’re told our entire lives what we can and can’t do.  What’s right and what’s wrong.  Boundaries and limits are listed in every aspect of our lives.  Most are to keep order and peace, but some are created in our own mind.  Whether it’s based on previous experience, or based on fear, or based on what someone we trust has told us, we have limits everywhere.  Let’s do an experiment.  Go to your kitchen and take out some bread, deli meat, cheese, and pickles.  Now make yourself a sandwich.  Ok, you can just imagine doing this; you don’t actually have to if you aren’t hungry or don’t like sandwiches.  Now, did you take two pieces of bread, open them up, place the meat on first, then the cheese, then the pickles?  Maybe some of you didn’t, but I’m guessing most of you did exactly that.  Why?  Is there a rule that says you have to make the sandwich in that order?  Does the cheese being on the meat and under the pickles create some sort of super flavor compared to any other order?  And why did you open the bread?  Is there a top and bottom?  And do you always start eating it from the same side?  The rounded side first, am I right?  It’s quite strange what we place rules and limits on.  Maybe it helps keep order in our mind, or maybe we were shown a way to do things when we first learned and have simply done things the same way ever since.  I’m sure there are many different answers, but the fact remains that we really don’t need these limits and rules.  Sometimes they mean nothing, but sometimes they hold us back or waste our time!

It’s true what Bruce Lee stated in the above quote, if we limit ourselves in one aspect of our life, it will bleed over into other aspects.  I see this constantly in the martial arts.  “I can’t do that”, “that’s too complicated”, “My body doesn’t move like that”.  It’s no surprise that many of these students end up quitting or constantly hold themselves back from reaching the next level.  I’ve seen a 400 lb man do a jump spin crescent kick with the grace of a swan and the striking speed of a cobra.  If you don’t know what that kick is, look it up on youtube and then rethink your own limits.  Don’t tell me your 130 lb, injury free body can’t do it!  I’ve even had numerous people tell me they aren’t in good enough shape to do martial arts, and want to wait until they are in better shape to start.  Let’s look past the fact that martial arts can help you get into shape and does not require one to be in shape, and let’s look at the fact that, of those people that have told me that, none have come back to me in shape and ready to start.  That’s because they placed a limit on themselves by saying they weren’t in shape enough to do martial arts.  Do you really think those limits stopped right there?  Nope, they weren’t in shape enough to get a gym membership or go running either I’m sure.  And possibly too busy to find time to do what little they think they can do.  I’ll teach occasional womens self defense seminars and will ask various women to come take the class.  Guess which ones find reasons not to take the class?  The outgoing, confident personalities that are the least likely to be attacked?  Nope, it’s the ones who need it the most.  The ones who tell themselves they aren’t physically capable of defending themselves and are easily discouraged in doing anything that can build their confidence…leading to being the most victimized person around.  These limits we place on ourselves constantly bleed over into other aspects of our lives.  However, removing limits in one aspect in life has the same effect; you begin to remove limits in other aspects of your life as well!  Start small if you have to.

Limits aren’t all bad though.  I’m not just talking about societie’s rules and limits either.  We need mental limits as well.  Without them, we lose objectives to reach for.  For instance, when I was younger I used to love to draw and was quite good at it.  However, if you gave me a pencil and paper and told me to draw anything I like, you’d be more likely to see a paper airplane flying around your head than my next drawing masterpiece.  However, tell me to draw something as boring as a cow and I’d get right on it.  Yet it’d never be the cow you thought you were going to get.  Maybe a Rambo-fied cow with guns and knives shooting down helicopters or possibly just an extremely overweight man stewing in his own filth.  But never just a cow.  I was very creative, but needed limits and boundaries for me to push and manipulate.  Give me no limits and I had no direction, nothing to attain.  Tell me I can’t do something and watch it be done.  Those limits were meant to be exceeded, just simply mile markers on the road to something bigger.

Permission

Even when we are told there are no rules, we seem to have unspoken rules.  A fear of being rude.  A fear of being disrespectful or not doing what you thought you were told.  We tend to live in a box full of unspoken rules.  I find this a lot when explaining movements and ideas and situations to students.  I’ll give a pretty simple command with little to no rules behind it, yet watch as the students set up their own limits and rules to complete the action.  For instance, I’ll tell multiple students to attack one student for sparring.  I may even say, “don’t take turns, just go after him.”  And yet, they still attack one at a time, being mindful not to get in the way of the defender doing a defense.  It usually takes multiple explanations and adjustments to get them to remove the unspoken “courtesy” from their sparring.  Even then, some will go half speed, some will go full speed but then allow the defender take them down and control them with no resistance, some will lightly tap each other and fall in the direction they think they are suppose to fall.  Where did these rules come from?  Essentially, its etiquette, courtesy and respect for their partners.  An attempt to help each other be successful and not get injured.  Yet this practice will only lead to failure and injury in a real self defense situation.  Now suddenly these mental limits are potentially leading to life ending mistakes in real confrontations.  Yes, it’s important to have common sense and not drop the smallest guy on his head and then break his arm, but no, it’s not ok to let the smaller or lower rank student think he’s successful all the time.  These limits are now hurting both of you.  It’s a complicated matter.  We worry that we are over stepping our boundaries (or others boundaries) and we hold back knowing that it’s safer to hold back then over shoot.  My answer to that is, don’t be afraid to ask questions.  More times than not, I want my students doing more, not less, and trying to push those boundaries, not be restricted by them.  Author Rory Miller gives a great description of this in his book, “Meditations on Violence”.  Instead of rehashing what he has written, I’m going to just list exactly what he has written in his book.  I can’t find a better way of saying it myself, he wrote:

“You have permission to defend yourself.

You have permission to be rude.

You have permission to survive, no matter what it takes.

You have permission to act when the scary man reaches for his belt. You do not need to wait until he draws the weapon or until he points it at you or until he hurts you.

You have permission to act.

You have permission to beat me, even if I wear a blackbelt.

You have permission to become better than the best instructor you ever had.

You have permission to invent something better than I ever taught you, and permission to use it in my class and permission to use it to defeat me and permission to teach it to your students.

You have blanket permission to grow and live and survive and fight and run and scream and talk and play and learn and experiment.

You have permission to win, and you have permission to decide what winning is.”

We were once told that humans can’t fly.  The Wright brothers changed that.  Touching the stars was once unattainable.  Then we set foot on the moon.  For years it was considered scientifically impossible to run a mile under 4 minutes.  Many got near that 4 minute mark but never beat it.  Until one day it was beaten, nowadays its common!  It wasn’t their bodies holding them back, nor their training, it was their mind telling them it wasn’t possible.  Those who achieve the impossible have left major marks and ripples throughout history and set new imaginary lines in the sand, not to show where the edge of possible and impossible lay, but to show what mile marker they reached and where you need to beat.  They all refused to believe that something was impossible.  Even those who may not have succeeded have gone down in history as legends just by attempting the impossible.  Remember the Alamo?  Don’t let your limits hold you back as they will certainly bleed over into all aspects of your life, let your limits drive and motivate you to the next level!

“If be possible, it is done.  If impossible, it will be done.” ““ Charles Alexandre de Calonne