A Candle in the Dark

I write this article with a heavy heart, as my father, who had battled cancer for the past year and a half, passed away on July 16th, 2013.  Many of my memories as a child and even as an adult are marked by music, and this occasion was no different.  Two songs played in my head throughout the whole ordeal of preparing for the funeral.  One of which was the song written at the beginning of this article, “Each Small Candle”.  These lyrics (written by Roger Waters – bassist and creative force behind Pink Floyd) were inspired by an act of “heart and pride” during an Albanian/Serbian conflict in which an Albanian soldier broke ranks to tend to a Serbian civilian in need of help.

The lyrics culminate in the statement, “Each small candle lights a corner of the dark”.  That the one act of kindness shown by the soldier helped shine a light in the darkness of war.  While this song played in my head over the course of a few days, it wasn’t until my brothers, my aunt and uncle, and I all sat down and shared stories of my father the day before the funeral service.  The last comment made was from my Aunt Wanda, she said, “He was like a candle in the dark”.  She was right, my father, as a teacher, lit the candles from his blazing flame to all of his students, and not just students, but everyone he came in contact with throughout his entire life.  This quote quickly attached the song to my father and this article was written.

Read magazines, facebook and twitter posts, watch the news, listen to your friends and family, and you’ll hear the complaints of a world gone mad and headed in a downward spiral.  It’s all over, you can’t miss it.  Everyone sees the mistakes made (even the manufactured mistakes that aren’t really there!)  and are quick to point the finger…even if it’s at the wrong person or incident, there is always someone to blame.  The darkness is everywhere.  But for some reason, we forget two very important things.  First, there’s just as much good in this world as there is bad, if not more, despite what some may think.  And two, most never seem to want to change.  They just want to point out what’s wrong, but seem to have no intention of correcting it.  Why?  Is it because we are lazy?  Is it because we don’t know how to fix it?  Is it because we feel it’s a lost cause?  I don’t believe it’s any of these things.  I believe it’s because people truly, despite what they might say, believe that one person cannot make a difference in this world.  I have only one thing to say to that.  You are wrong.  Normally I am a “live and let live” type of person, and feel everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but I have to put my foot down on this one and repeat myself.  You are wrong if you believe this.

One candle can light one hundred other candles, and yet never lose its own light.  It takes only one person to step up and the rest will follow.  By nature, most of us don’t want to make decisions, we want to follow.  Remember back in school when you had a question to ask, but didn’t ask it because you didn’t want to sound stupid since no one else was asking questions?  But then there was that one kid that raised his hand and asked the first questions…and then the rest of the room suddenly had questions.  That one kid was the candle that lit and inspired the rest of the room.  While one person alone may not be able to fight a giant or change the world, that one person can inspire others, more than enough, to make that change.

Most of us are like sheep, we stay put and do nothing until forced to move, and we’re comfortable in that spot.  Our only movement is forced, whether it be a sheepdog herding us, or a wolf chasing us in a new location.  We don’t have to live the life of a sheep though, we can choose at any point to stand up, shed the sheep skin and create our own destiny which will inspire others.  Become that candle that lights one hundred others.

As I sifted through memories and thoughts about my father’s life, I couldn’t help but come back to his death, more than I cared to.  However, even in the darkness of his death, I found yet another candle shining brightly, more than one actually.  When I arrived at dad’s home, after a long flight and a trip to the hospital, I went into the bathroom.  What did I see?  A rifle sitting right next to the toilet.  I couldn’t help but burst out laughing.  “Welcome to Nebraska”, I thought to myself.  If I didn’t know any better, I swear my dad placed this here just to get a laugh in a time of grief.  I found out later that he used it to shoot from the bathroom window at rabbits (and possibly wandering neighbors) in the back yard.  Sorry PETA people, but that’s just funny.  I feel it’s important to note that it was a pellet gun.

As the funeral date neared, I recalled a time when I was six years old, I was at my mother’s funeral, in a room with my cousins away from the crowd.  I don’t recall all of the emotions I went through that day, but I recall one, anger.  Not from my mother’s passing, but from the fact that my cousins and brothers were laughing and telling jokes in this room.  They weren’t telling jokes about the funeral, they were remembering my mother and some of the funny moments they spent with her.  But this upset me.  I couldn’t understand why someone would be anything but sad at a funeral.  Over the years though, I’ve come to understand.  It too was that candle in the darkness, a break from the sadness of the situation and a celebration of an amazing women.

This time, at my father’s funeral, I embraced it as my brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles and friends lightened the mood with their amazing humor and stories that put a smile to my face.  This time, I was a candle willing to be lit.  With death comes new life.  More thoughts rushed through my head as I looked to the future.  Through such big change in life, vast other changes come about.  They can be negative or they can be positive.  The key is understanding that we ourselves have the most influence on if that change will be negative or positive.  We must choose, and actively pursue this positive change.  As strange as it sounds, I see many positive changes in my life through my father’s death.  Invigorated by mortality, knowing there is no time to waste or procrastinate.  Don’t get me wrong, I would exchange it all in a moment to bring him back, but since I am unable to do so, I will make a positive change from the negative situation.

As it relates to martial arts, I see this same decision making happen in the class room when presented with an obstacle.  Whether it be a difficult, seemingly impossible technique, or a board that refuses to break, or that one student that you just can’t seem to get an advantage over when sparring.  There are always obstacles.  Sadly, most will simply quit, never to return.

As an instructor, this kills me as I feel it is on my shoulders to guide my students through these tough moments.  But at the same time, I can only do so much, I can open that door of opportunity, but I can’t push them through it and I must let these students go.  On the other end, I have students that push harder, relentlessly, to overcome the obstacle.  It is at that time that the inner flame begins to burn bright and inspire others, including myself!

In the dojang/dojo (building in which martial arts are practiced), the entire school must work to help each other overcome these obstacles as not only will the favor be returned, but that energy it creates, when they do overcome it, inspires the rest to work harder.  Each student works to build that flame and, in time, light the wick of other students.  In martial arts, we hold a Masters Ceremony whenever someone reaches the rank of 6th degree black belt and earns the right to the title of “Master”.  During this ceremony, the lights are turned out and the highest ranking teacher sits at the front of the room with a lit candle in front of him/her.  It’s the only visual light seen, albeit small.  From there, each student that instructor has taught, one by one, lights their candle from the head instructors candle and proceeds to sit down in front of him/her.  Then the students from those instructors then light their candles from that group who taught them, and so on and so on until every students candle has been lit, all stemming from one initial candle.  This represents perfectly what this article is all about.  That one highest ranking instructor and his candle (representing knowledge/inspiration) inspired and enlightened one hundred (or more) students.  By the end of the ceremony, if there are enough students participating, the entire room will be lit as if someone turned on all the lights.

You don’t have to be super human, have a powerful job, or be rich to inspire others.  Nor do you have to inspire one hundred people.  You just have to inspire one to pass that flame along and brighten the day, year, or life of another.  We’re all capable of inspiring others; we just have to make the choice to do so.  If one small candle lights a corner of the dark, imagine what a billion small candles can light.