Do you think you’d be able to kill your spouse and children if needed? Wait, wait, wait. Sorry! That is a horrible way to start a blog post. Let me back up a bit for some context. But I will ask you to answer that question later. But first, a horrifying story.

Over the course of history, Korea has been under control of numerous different Dynasties/Kingdoms, such as the Silla, Baekje and Goguryeo to name a few. These, as well as surrounding kingdoms, battled each other for territory. In 660 AD, Baekje was invaded by the Silla. The Silla had 50,000 troops, led by Yoo-Sin, and were supported by 130,000 Tang Chinese troops. With little time to organize and very little support from King Uija, a general by the name of Ge-Baek could only conjure up the help of 5,000 troops to defend against the invading army.

If the names Yoo-Sin and Ge-Baek sound familiar to you, you must be a Taekwondo practitioner of the Cha’ng Hon form set! Or a historian of Korean history. These are two legendary figures in Korean and Taekwondo history. But I digress. 5,000 troops versus 180,000 troops is far from a fair fight. As much as I’d like to proclaim that Ge-Baek and his 5,000 troops made a triumphant victory in a David versus Goliath style match up, this was not to be. This was clearly a suicide mission. And Ge-Baek knew it.

He and his troops were not to go down without a fight however, stating, “I would rather die than become a slave to the enemy!” Miraculously, Ge-Baek and his troops won the first four battles against the massive Silla and Tang army, creating massive casualties to the opposing forces. Alas, the massive number of troops by the invading forces was too much, and Ge-Baek and his troops were all killed in battle, leading to the fall of the Baekje Dynasty.

Before Ge-Baek went off to aforementioned war, knowing he would not return and the Dynasty would most likely fall, he had to make a horrific decision. At home, he had a wife and child. He believed that if he lost the battles ahead, that his wife and child would either be violently murdered or enslaved. With this in mind, he killed his wife and child before leaving for war.

A horrible decision he made. Yet, if he didn’t, they would have most likely suffered immensely. Did he make the right decision? Could you make that decision? I truly hope none of us need to make such a decision in our lifetime. Without getting into a debate on euthanasia, I write this blog and ask this question, not because I want an answer or feel it’s something we must all decide on. I do so as a way to discover what you think you are capable of if, God forbid, you needed to make a similar decision.

Most of us can’t fathom having to kill someone. Yet, when it comes to self-defense, we have to know where our limitations are. If someone broke into your home and you felt your family’s life was on the line, would you be able to do kill that intruder? If not, have you made plans on how to deal with such a situation so that you lower your chances of ever being in that situation? Most have not.

A common response I get when I ask if someone wants to train martial arts and self-defense is, “no thanks, I carry a gun (or knife)” and don’t need to learn self-defense. Nowadays, I bite my tongue and move on. But if you want my blood to boil, that’s a good way to do it. I have no issue with people carrying a gun or knife. I myself usually have at least a knife on me when I’m out and about. I train to use it on a regular basis though, as well as obviously training unarmed self-defense.

Self-defense training is not just about learning how to throw a punch or how to choke someone. The mental side of dealing with a violent conflict is complicated, extensive and far beyond what I can cover in this small blog. I will give just some brief bullet points to give you an idea. The average person, and even the average martial artist, tends to only focus on the physical side of self-defense. This is dangerous. One must understand the mental obstacles, and even the mental repercussions, of defending oneself.

If I ask for you to think of a self-defense situation, what do you envision? Someone jumping out at you in an attempt to attack you and steal your valuables? A drunken bar patron getting in your face and throwing punches? Do you envision pulling out a weapon you carry? There are many, many scenarios that fall under self-defense. First and foremost, understand one mental portion of self-defense happens before the physical attack. You must be aware of your surroundings and being prepared if a physical attack ensues. There is also the aftermath of an attack that needs to be thought of.

When I mention the preparation side, I don’t just mean knowing the limitations of what you are wearing or if you are carrying a weapon or recognizing if the ground or surrounding areas are dangerous or not. Such as being on gravel where there might be hard or sharp rocks or glass. You have to know that taking an attacker to the ground would be extremely dangerous in that situation. Same goes if there are multiple attackers. But beyond that physical recognition is the mental preparation, which is the point of this blog post.

Are you truly prepared to enter a physical attack? Are you prepared to injure another human? Are you prepared to be injured? Are you prepared to contract whatever disease or illness the attacker has? Bleeding is common, so expect to swap blood. Are you prepared for potential jail time? And the big one, are you prepared to kill another human? Is any of this worth it? Have you taken the time to not only understand these situations, but plan for them? Most are ill-prepared in every facet of these scenarios.

For the average person, injuring or killing another human is not something we are naturally capable of. It doesn’t matter how great the weapon you carry with you is, it doesn’t work on its own. It also doesn’t matter that you punch the heavy bag regularly. Your punch may have near perfect technique, but it’s useless if you can’t bring yourself to actually hit someone with intent.

Most people who train in a good martial arts program and spar with intent somewhat regularly are much more capable of injuring another person that intends to injure you. However, killing is on a whole new level as you can’t practice seriously injuring or killing on a regular basis. Well, at least I hope you’re not training that way!

With all of that said, it’s not impossible by any means to injure, seriously injure or even kill when needed. Proper training closes that gap. But one must understand that there may still be a wall there no matter how hard you train. My point of this blog post is to get you to think about it. Knowledge is power. You may come to the decision that you are not capable of doing any or some of the above-mentioned. That’s great to know before attempting to defend yourself. Many people will freeze when attacked. Some fight, some flight, but many freeze. Unless you’ve trained to break out of this, it may be physically impossible for you to defend yourself, even if your life is on the line.

If you don’t know what I mean by fight, flight or freeze, or don’t understand how the sympathetic nervous system works, please go back and read my book, “A Martial Artists Guide To Failing Your Way To Success”. I have gone into a decent amount of detail in numerous chapters on how this effects people in a time of stress and how it affects your physical performance. Every martial artist and self-defense practitioner absolutely needs to understand how the sympathetic nervous system works and how to train to deal with or avoid it.

Lastly, I find it important to prepare ahead of time to think about the post-fight repercussions. This too is heavily overlooked when discussions on, or training in, self-defense. PTSD can be debilitating. Think through a violent attack you may go through, such as being attacked while walking down a common street in your city. Do you think you’ll ever walk down that street again without thinking about that attack? How about what the attacker looked like. Did he have black hair and a beard? What do you think will happen if a random, non-violent, person sporting the same hair style and beard approached you suddenly? Think your heart rate will stay steady and you’ll stay calm?

And what if you successfully defended yourself against an attacker, striking him with a perfect punch that knocked him down and cracking his head on the curb, killing him. Set aside potential jail time, you’ll remember that moment for the rest of your life. You’ll never get that image out of your head. Possibly in the middle of the night when you wake up drenched in sweat and having an anxiety attack. And what if you discover that the attacker had children? Are you going to be fine with all of that, even if you did the best you could to avoid it? Will that not affect you?

I know this is kind of a harsh blog post and that I’m presenting some of the worst-case scenarios. But you can’t state that these scenarios are impossible or that you don’t need to think about them. You absolutely need to think about them as they are all absolutely plausible. You need to know the violent and harsh realities of self-defense. Especially with the popularity of MMA and sport fighting these days. We tend to confuse sport fighting with self-defense and see it all as fun and entertaining or even macho. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Self-defense is extremely violent and long lasting. It’s something you want to avoid at all costs yet must be prepared for on all levels. Not something you should be looking forward to. A violent attack can create everlasting ripples that can affect the rest of your life. It’s imperative that you not only train, but train properly with intent, and take time to think through the mental side of self-defense.

Are you mentally capable of injuring or even killing someone? Are you prepared to deal with the aftereffects of a violent attack? For most, the answer is no. That’s an important realization to truly understand. It’s imperative to deal with this now to properly prepare, or it will be forced upon you in a way that can destroy your life far beyond what that attacker could do.