You are not special.  Ok, maybe I should elaborate on that as it seems a bit cruel to say.  What I mean is, if we are all special, then none of us are special.  I know, I know, we’re all special in our own way, I get that and I believe that too, but generally speaking we are all quite average.  I’m not trying to deflate anyone’s self esteem or hurt anyone’s feelings but if we all go through life thinking that we are better than everyone else, we’re in for a huge disappointment.

It’s not our children’s fault for believing they are better than everyone else, nor is it really the parents fault as it is their job to make their children feel special.  Society on the other hand has been trying a little too hard lately to make everyone feel like we are all on the same playing ground in every category, and that simply is not a responsible thing to do.  Instead of giving out first, second and third place trophies at competitions, we now give out the same medal or trophy to all the competitors.  More and more schools nowadays are allowing children to pass even with failing grades, no matter how bad they do or how little effort they put into their studies.  We seem to be teaching our students that it’s ok not to work hard as we will all win in the end.  This may boost some kid’s confidence at early ages but it will only crush them as they enter the real world as they will be completely unprepared for hard work or failure.  It is building a false confidence, which can be very dangerous.

We must understand though, that even though we may be born equal, we weren’t all created the same.  We can’t all be pro athletes. We can’t all be doctors or astronauts.  It’s not that its “impossible”, it’s just “implausible”.  Anything is possible, but we must know our limitations so that we can understand our potentials and set realistic goals.  From that starting point we can then shoot for the stars!  But to tell a 5′-2 teenager that he can be a pro basketball star is just going to end in heart break and lost time!  On a similar note, have you ever seen a pro athlete in person?  Or better yet, played alongside of one?  I don’t care how good you think you are, very few possess the physical abilities these people have.  Yet they too don’t possess the abilities that you have!  That is what makes us different, yet equal all at the same time.

As it pertains to martial arts, I’m seeing a larger number of schools allowing their students (young and old) to gain rank just because they’ve paid their dues for the month or for the testing.  While every school has its own way and set of requirements, I find it to be a very bad idea to allow a student to believe they are a deadly weapon based on the fact that they have a black belt around their waist.  This false sense of security and confidence could put their life in danger if they happen to find themselves in a situation in which they have to physically defend themselves.  I’m also seeing an increasing number of parents thinking their child is more advanced than other children and that they should be given special treatment, or allowed into a program that they aren’t old enough for.  Essentially suggesting their child is a prodigy. While I love the fact that they want to get their children into martial arts at a young age, the fact of the matter is I have only seen maybe one or two children in the twenty years I’ve been involved with martial arts that I would consider prodigies.

I’ve always given the parent the benefit of the doubt.  Unfortunately the results are usually the same; a deflated child who becomes turned off by martial arts and never wants to return due to the fact they were unable to pick it up as fast as expected, or were unable to understand what was being taught.

Again, I’m not trying to mentally beat down you or your child, quite the opposite in fact.  The issue at its core, in my opinion, is due to the overwhelming sense that we need to lump everyone together into the same imaginary mold.  By telling everyone they are all special in the same ways as everyone else, we are eliminating the fact that everyone is special in their OWN ways therefore everyone is considered the same and special is no longer special.

We need to stop attempting to fix problems by lumping everyone together just to make it easy to fix.  We end up implying that one person is special in a category they are not special in and implying that another person is not special in a category they are special in.  There is no one solution to fix all the problems.  Sorry, I know that may be the easy way, but it’s just not working.  We and our children are unique and special in our own ways and the rules, laws and guidelines must be adjusted on the go, there is simply no other way.